I love my son incredibly. My life is so much richer with him in it and he’s helped me fight those under confident demons in my head. But sometimes, occasionally and selfishly, I feel baby trapped! I think (and hope) other mothers out there can relate to this. Baby trapped is when you really want to do something or go somewhere but you can’t for fear of how they will react or how it will affect vital routines like their sleep or eat patterns. I am baby trapped most mornings until I’ve got the morning nap out of the way – my son goes down for his nap, I grab a quick shower then we can get on with the day. I daren’t have it any other way as without this sleep I know he will be horrible for the rest of the day!
I guess what’s sparked the sense of baby trappedness this week was I was celebrating my birthday. I got a warm up last year, my 30th birthday, I was 8 and a half months pregnant; huge, shattered, couldn’t eat much and whilst others enjoyed their ice cold pints of Peroni (my favourite lager) I was on the diet cokes. This year was different, my first bday as a Mum, and that was special, a had a lovely day with my two boys (hubby and son) got an extra special present, we had a tasty breakfast, even better burger lunch and I could have a beer!! But, it was different. Even though it was my birthday I was slightly trapped by my sons needs and desires, nap time was a bit of a nightmare – I ended getting some retail therapy alone whilst my husband tried to make and keep him asleep, I wasn’t no longer centre of attention but shopping, alone. Everything took so much longer. We got home and usually I’d have gone for a drink in a local pub (being in the house on my birthday is unheard of) but we stayed in as second nap time was looming, and apparently cranky babies aren’t all that welcome in pubs! That evening my son took ages to settle, instead of getting dressed up for a posh meal, we stayed in and had take away, eventually.
I feel terrible even typing this as my little bundle of loveliness is playing; dancing to his musical train. But I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s ok to feel trapped by your baby, there’s many times I’ve wanted to just go for a drink in a bar or decide to just go for a walk to a restaurant or the cinema, go shopping and be able to try on shoes or clothes but can’t because the little tinker won’t sit in his buggy! I don’t mind, my son it worth every second of baby trapped-ness I’ve ever felt, as I’m sure yours are, and it makes me sad to think this is only for a short time, but feeling out of control and lacking of independence you once had is normal, it’s natural and it’s very appropriate. I promise.